Tired

I’m tired. I’m tired of my job, I’m tired of living where I live, I’m tired of struggling to get through steps that other people breeze right through, I’m tired of my life.

Why is every little thing in my life a production? Why do I have to struggle and get frustrated with, cry, and get angry before I finish a single step?

I want to travel, I want to be able to make enough money to sustain myself, I want to be happy, but it’s really beginning to seem like nothing in my life is ever going to not be stressful and take forever to accomplish.

I’m sitting here on the outside looking in while people I know travel, finish school on time, get married, and hit all of these milestones…while I’m still barely at step one and two…fucking Hell I feel like a failure, I really do.

I try to push these feelings aside, but sometimes it bubbles up to the surface and I can’t help but feel like shit.

I really wish I was someone else sometimes, because it’s too difficult being who I am and trying to do anything worthwhile.

I hate crying, I hate being emotional, I hate everything related to emotions because of how weak it makes me feel.

I wish I could switch them off and not feel anything.

(… these are the kinds of things I think about when I can’t sleep.)