Time for a rant

I am becoming increasingly annoyed with everything and everyone.

I am getting sick of dealing with stupid people over politics, misinterpretations of my words and intentions, personal life,work, EVERYTHING.

Does anyone know how irritating it is for the first reaction to your honesty to be indignation from someone else? I’m not saying anything for my health or for shits and giggles,I’m saying it because I need to hear something from you, whether that is an opinion, advice, reassurance, an excuse to talk abt it, SOMETHING.

Negative reactions tell me its probably a good thing to stay away. I can rescind trust within an instant. Then I become distant, and just slowly walk away.

..but back to the point, its never just one instance that makes me mad. Its a build up over a long period of time  of unaddressed and unresolved annoyances and grievances that then blow up after the last straw.

The stupid hysteria over Trump and Russia pissed me off because of how ridiculous it is and all of the shrieking  about non-issues while real shit flies under the radar. Literally no one is talking about the Drone bombing in Yemen or the about face he has shown over ending U.S. meddling in foreign affairs. Instead they wanna talk about his tax returns (spoiler: THATS A RED HERRING YOU FUCKING MORON,THERE’S NOTHING THERE) and call him a “kremlin puppet”… if you say this to me I’m automatically declaring you to be “low info”.

Personal life makes me angry because holy shit do I get tired of people making assumptions about my intentions and misinterpreting my words. It happens every fucking day, imagine how infuriating and exhausting it is to be playing defence online and offline all the time because people can’t be bothered to ask you what you meant instead of acting like an asshole.

Work is infuriating because I do so much shit to get paid peanuts in return that is hardly enough to pay bills; Then I’m broke for the rest of the month.I can’t save any money, can’t plan for anything because of that, and on top of that I’m ducking and dodging…*drumroll* POLITICAL DEBATES AT WORK.

Fuck.

I’m starting to understand why some people drink so much. Anything to forget how horrible life is for a few hours must be heavenly.

/end of rant

 

 

Tired

I’m tired. I’m tired of my job, I’m tired of living where I live, I’m tired of struggling to get through steps that other people breeze right through, I’m tired of my life.

Why is every little thing in my life a production? Why do I have to struggle and get frustrated with, cry, and get angry before I finish a single step?

I want to travel, I want to be able to make enough money to sustain myself, I want to be happy, but it’s really beginning to seem like nothing in my life is ever going to not be stressful and take forever to accomplish.

I’m sitting here on the outside looking in while people I know travel, finish school on time, get married, and hit all of these milestones…while I’m still barely at step one and two…fucking Hell I feel like a failure, I really do.

I try to push these feelings aside, but sometimes it bubbles up to the surface and I can’t help but feel like shit.

I really wish I was someone else sometimes, because it’s too difficult being who I am and trying to do anything worthwhile.

I hate crying, I hate being emotional, I hate everything related to emotions because of how weak it makes me feel.

I wish I could switch them off and not feel anything.

(… these are the kinds of things I think about when I can’t sleep.)

 

 

 

 

So…I’m actually going to defend Lil Wayne.

Hell is freezing over y’all..

Anyway, here it goes:

I need y’all to get it through your skulls that blacklivesmatter hasn’t and will not ever, actually effectively improve the situation for anyone.

When you can be not considered apart of the “black community”anymore and have people attack you, wish harm upon you, and dismiss you as a coon or a “lost cause” (who gave you authority to decide that? That’s right, no one) because apparently some of us missed the passing out of the manual on being black.

I guess somewhere in it theres some definition of “true blackness” meaning if you have a permanent year round tan there are certain ideologies and worldviews that you have to buy into at all times in order to be in the good graces of the negro community.

Deviating from this strict definition of identity could result in dire consequences, with your punishment being used as an example of what happens when you actually have an original thought on anything.

When y’all do this,along with many other things, why exactly do you think anyone seeing that would believe you when you utter the phrase “blacklivesmatter”?
And why, exactly, does it ruffle people’s feathers that lil Wayne said “my life matters”? If he said it didn’t, that would be dangerous, yes? That would mean he wouldn’t care about preserving his own life…which would lead to reckless behavior.
Also, why are people offended that he said you don’t have to put a name on somebody getting killed by the police for an effed up reason?
Doesn’t sound like someone who is saying police brutality doesn’t happen, now does it? It sounds like someone who is essentially saying any one killed by police for an effed up reason is a problem.

…sounds like he’s essentially saying…*gasps* “all lives matter”. *dun dun dunn*

Hell, it still boggles my mind that people are offended by “all lives matter”, since most of the people using it actually do really believe that, but it’s not like this is a logical situation so…take that however you want.

I don’t even LIKE lil Wayne or even like what he says most of the time. I’m annoyed places like blacktwitter, Facebook, YouTube, and various black blog sites are so damn unreasonable in their attacks on him about this, that y’all have me out here trying to defend this dude’s right to his opinion. Even if he sounds crazy saying it.

Dna ancestry…

So, I took an ancestrydna test back in july/august, and received results in September…

…ok, here’s the deal…

…I’ve been trying to pretend like I am happy with my results, but in all honesty, I’m not pleased with them at all.

Since I’ve now brought up my displeasure, I now feel obligated to reveal said results:

88% African

3% Native American

1% Central Asian

8% European.

…I’ve tried for weeks to make myself ok with these results, but I have to be honest with myself and say I’m extremely disappointed in them.

Doesn’t matter what anyone says to me, I really do think it was a waste of my time.

Lecture away, I don’t care.

 

 

 

Let’s go ahead and talk politics, why not?

Disclaimer: when getting into this subject sometimes I can come across as blunt and straightforward.  That’s my writing style, take it or leave it. So, politics..ugh, I’ve had the misfo…

Source: Let’s go ahead and talk politics, why not?

Let’s go ahead and talk politics, why not?

Disclaimer: when getting into this subject sometimes I can come across as blunt and straightforward.  That’s my writing style, take it or leave it.

So, politics..ugh, I’ve had the misfortune of being engaged in this conversation quite a lot in the last few months almost everywhere I go.

I will go ahead and clear the air now: no I don’t care for Clinton or Trump, and no, I will not “hold my nose” and vote for either one of them. Unlike other individuals, I do not support people that do not represent my best interests, nor will I support anyone under duress. Its not happening, and no one has the ability to guilt me into changing my mind, so don’t bother trying.

There is one thing that is REALLY bothering me about this election though; there are still individuals who are so trusting of the intentions of people in positions of power and influence, but especially the strange fervor in which Hillary Clinton supporters will blindly trust her. If it was because of ignorance of the information that is widely spread online (with sources!),it would be easy to remedy such an issue, but it doesn’t matter what information you present to her supporters, they will nitpick and use any reason, no matter how miniscule it may be, to dismiss, minimize the importance of, and/or excuse their favored candidate from any and all blame.  It’s kind of amazing to see how it’s done, because when you hear their arguments, you’re just kind of blown away by the cognitive dissonance that is presented in all of its glory when you level any sort of criticism towards her.  Then they’re left wondering why she does not have widespread support and adoration among women, minorities, men,”insert identity politics approved label here”,etc.

It’s not acceptable to use an “unapproved” source with a Hillary Supporter. They will not accept alternative media as a source even if they’re the only ones covering this important information, even if the author has taken the time to cite every source they have used to write their article. If it’s not a mainstream media site, they’re not interested.

To be fair, it seems to be a problem with a lot of individuals in general, not only HIllary’s supporters. The idea that the only people who can present the facts has to be within this tiny circle of mainstream media websites and channels is incredibly self-limiting. You’re missing out on information that isn’t presented anywhere else. No it may not all be true, but this is the same situation when you’re dealing with mainstream reporting so it’s not a unique trait for alternative media. With all news, you do have to filter out the trash and opinions presented as fact to get to the real information.

The response is usually some variation of “theyd be all over it if it was true, reporters love getting an exclusive story, etc” to explain away any information they didn’t hear from their trusted sources and why it’s only reported by alternative media. If you really think that there’s no reason mainstream media would lie or cover up anything if there was proof, my question to you would be: what proof do you have that would be sufficient to show that they wouldn’t lie or cover up anything?

There are  reporters such as Sharyl Atkinson, formerly of CBS news, that talk about the silencing tactics used against reporters and the stories they’ve  investigated  that are not allowed to get out into the public sphere. She also talks about how the media is used to push agendas and also to influence public opinion.

Another  reporter to look into is former CNN reporter Amber Lyon, who talks about the lies and propaganda used by CNN to influence public opinion.

Jon Rappoport, another independent investigative reporter, has shared similar sentiments about the news and media. .

There are many more independent Journalists whom are surprisingly coming to similar conclusions.

Why, then, is it so surprising and treated as an impossibility, that mainstream news has lied,still lies, and does censor news that should be covered but isnt?  This does not include the fact (and it IS fact) of propaganda being legal in the United States via NDAA signed by Obama in 2012, and reinforced with amendments and additions included in subsequent yearly resignings of the bill into law.

…This isn’t difficult to understand.

Add on top of this, Guccifer 2.0 leaks showing that the Clinton foundation was receiving donations from owners of major media networks, emails showing Hillary’s campaign involvement in wining and dining reporters at off the record parties exclusively for the most high profile and influential  among them, wikileaks releasing podesta emails where they listed reporters designated as “friendlies” to Clinton, along with many other bombshells in a wide range of areas.

But oh no, CNN told us we can’t read them because they’re illegal! Which is bull crap, we didn’t hack the email account  or take the emails to give to a third party. It’s not illegal to go on a website, you can’t enforce that on millions of people anyway.

Then you have the James O’Keefe undercover tapes proving that the DNC and Hillary and her campaign were colluding with a company run by one of her supporters to manufacture and incite violence at Trump rallies(and that she knew about it). That’s not even the most damning aspect of the tapes: they’re caught on tape admitting they manipulate the vote by bussing in voters to vote more than one precinct and the DNC have been doing it at least the last fifty years.

… and the media is giving this tape little to no attention.

…seriously, how much evidence do you need to see before you realize this idea that you can trust what you’re reading from mainstream media is naive and setting yourself up for being manipulated?

I don’t know whether it’s more appropriate to laugh at the insanity or cry out of frustration. It’s that bad.

This is one of many reasons why I’m not voting.

If you thought your vote counted before, you definitely should’ve gotten a nice wake up call this year.

Your vote doesn’t count.

Stay home and do something productive, because this isn’t it.

Something I never do…Q and A!  

Saw these questions on Tumblr, decided to answer them.
1. What are the traits that make someone charismatic?
Humor is a BIG one. If you can’t make me laugh I’m a lot less interested in getting to know you.This applies to friends and any other relationship tbh.
Another one is being Open minded. I like those that will entertain an idea or thought before accepting or dismissing it.

2. What are the traits of people you admire?
I admire people that are action oriented; they know how to make things happen in their lives. It’s not a strong trait for me so I admire those who have the ability to do that in every avenue of their lives. I would say  my friend @evilcoconut on twitter has this trait.

I also admire people who are compassionate, but especially those that are able to be compassionate but still speak their minds. I have a few friends on Facebook who are like this, and while they still care about people and how they feel, they still speak the truth because they feel that telling the truth is the most compassionate and loving thing you can do for someone you care about.

3. Tell a story of how you’ve overcome your fears
..I still have a ton of fears that I’m working on. Recently I would say that my fears of the unknown outcome to a situation has lessened, mainly because I’ve realized that what will happen, in the negative sense,is going to be a lot less severe than I imagine it will be, so you might as well get out there and try it anyway.

4. What do you wish your parents would understand?
That most of the time, I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. It’s not for lack of trying, its just that I’m still confused as hell about where I want to be or whether anything I’m doing is actually what I’m here to do…y’know what I mean? The only thing I know is that I crave truth and honesty, and figuring out who I am is a pretty big part of that. Please be patient with me, I know I’m a late bloomer but it would be helpful to not compare me with other people’s children. I’m not in competition with anyone but myself, and that’s hard enough on its own.

5. If you could only interact with 3 people for the rest of your life, who would they be and why? (They don’t have to be someone you already know, but they must be real people)
@evilcoconut definitely, I don’t think she realizes how much her pov grounds me when I’m upset. Plus the music recs are always on point so yeah…you can’t get rid of me lol.

My mom would be another person. We don’t always get along, but she encourages me and makes me feel less like a messed up individual.

Lastly…I don’t know. I’ll leave that space open for someone who may come along in the near future.

6. What are the personality traits or habits you wish you didn’t have?
Habits:
PROCRASTINATION. I am notorious for this.

Personality traits…I don’t know how to put this, but somehow I’m sensitive but insensitive at the same time lol.

When it comes to sensitivity, when it’s criticism from someone that I look up to it crushes me completely. I turn into a crying mess for days…I really wish I didn’t do that, it makes me feel weak. I’ve been saying that since I was a kid (how much I hate that part of my personality).

I also have a tendency towards apathy with a lot of subject matter…sometimes it’s warranted, but in other instances it makes me look like a jerk. I can’t really control what I feel apathetic towards though.

7. What are the personality traits or habits you don’t have but wish you do?
I wish I had more of a spontaneous personality, because I think I would have had many more life experiences as a result. My life is pretty boring tbh.

8. What’s the most ideal MBTI type in the country or city you live in? Explain.

Anything Extroverted. Atlanta is NOT introvert friendly at all. If you’re off to yourself they think something is wrong with you, almost all of the job descriptions prefer traits that suit extroverted individuals, almost everyone wants face to face interviews, etc etc

9. What are you trying to achieve right now?
A decent life, basically. A life where I actually feel like I’m in control and where I have the ability to handle any unexpected surprises that like to throw a monkey wrench into your plans for the day. I’m not even thinking about a significant other until I’m at a place where I have my basics taken care of.

10. Recommend a book (in any genre)
“Lies My Teacher Told Me” by James W. Loewen. This book sparked my interest in revisionist History, and History in General. It really shows that if History is told in its entirety, that the subject is a lot more exciting and enjoyable to read about and learn from than it’s highly edited, watered down, and America biased version shoveled down people’s throats in school.

11. Recommend a song that’s not popular
..*sigh* let’s see… Probably “If Only” by Eddie Shin…He was a member of Aziatix, which unfortunately disbanded last year…this song was before Aziatix though, and is one of my favorites. He actually has a whole album in Korean LONG before Aziatix, but it’s definitely a ballad album so unless you’re into that kind of thing, you might not like it.